A Place to Call Home
by ardleighstreet
Summary: John Snow is near to dying in a snow cave. He contemplates his life and just who and what is home. - This is not Starkcest unless you stand on your head and squint hard. There might be spoilers be warned. - Mr. Martin sits on the IRON THRONE of Westeros. I own nothing.


A Place to Call Home

Jon licked his lips as he lay close to dying in the snow. It was cold on the ground of this ice cave beyond the Wall where he'd been left to die alone. Alone as he had been most of his life. Jon made to move but pain sparked like lightening in the wounds he'd received. Wincing Jon tried to move his mind to a better place. Benjen had told him when he started here to try and ignore the night cold by thinking of somewhere better. To ignore the pain of his wounds; Jon let his mind slip to some where better, it went to where it always went for peace and acceptance. It went to thoughts of Arya.

Jon wondered where she was and what she was doing. Was she safe? Was she happy? He could not believe her married to Ramsay Bolton. The man was the Bolton Bastard and a beast by all accounts. Jon felt no kinship for the man; bastard for bastard; because Ramsay was scum. A rapist, who skinned women, then wore those skins like trophies made him ill. Jon hoped Bolton's Arya just as false others. There were more False Arya Starks then there were people vying for the Iron Throne.

If Fate made it so his Arya was dead; Jon wondered, if she would come to greet him in death. Would she still love him?

Jon's mid floated again to the year his Arya was seven and a half name days old. Jon was twelve name days or so. Fever had come to Westeros. Arya had caught it from the miller's daughter who had died from it just days ago. Maesters all over the country were stumped and did not know how to fix the sick. People were dying from coast to coast and it touched many families. All those great minds would say was that the person afflicted could pass it on to whoever cared for them.

Maester Luwin would not go into the room without wearing a scarf over his nose and mouth. He refused to let a hesitant Cate in the room for fear she would lose the babe she was carrying. As Cate talked to his father, Jon listened. "Ned, I can not go in. What will become of her? Who will care for her?"

Ned had nodded, "You stay with the other children. I will go into to care for her."

"Ned, you can't! What will we do without you!" Cate had gasped

"Who else will we send, Love? I refuse to just leave my little girl alone. She might die!"

Jon rose up out of the shadow he had been hiding in. "I will go."

Ned had shaken his head, "No Son, you cannot go. You will likely get it too it you go in there."

Jon had nodded, "Yes, I know, Sir. I love Arya. She is my sister. I can't leave her alone. I would never let her suffer alone. You've said that the lone wolf dies. The pack survives. Arya is my pack, I am hers."

As Jon stood there tall and proud, Cate had said, "Ned, it might be for the best. Arya - cares for him. We have other children to care for."

Ned had looked grim, "Cate he is just a boy. We are her parents. I should—

Jon just opened he sickroom door and went inside closing it on their argument. He had gone into the room to be with the only person to ever really love him. What he saw there made his heart stop beating for a moment. His Arya was usually seen running at the world full pace. This Arya was still and unmoving.

Arya's body was covered in sweat and her eyes were glassy. "Jon!" she had cried out and smiled on him with such devotion, Jon knew he had made the correct choice.

The worried Maester Luwin told Jon that her fever was raging and she was very ill. Jon told the masked Luwin that he did not wish a mask and Luwin had thought him crazy. "I do not wish to scare her Luwin." "You could catch it too, Boy" "Then I shall catch it with her." "You could both die then, Jon" Luwin had whispered in his ear Jon nodded, "I have no wish to be without her." Jon took Arya on his lap so her sheets could be changed and her body was racked with a cough. Finally she was quiet and she told him her throat hurt and her chest felt on fire. Jon remembered cajoling, coaxing, and finally begged her not to leave him. He laid her back in bed tucking her in with a light sheet.

"Please, don't leave, Little Sister. If you stay, I shall take you sea and we will become pirates. I will take you beyond the Wall and we shall go join the Wildings. I will take you to the Free Cities and we shall ride boats in the canals." Arya had told him she was hot. Then that she was cold and finally that she was sorry.

"Sorry for what, Little One?" "Sorry Mama can not love you. I'll love you more because she won't. I will always love you best." Arya had licked dried cracked lips. Her eyes were glassy and bright.

Giving her a cup of water; she drank greedily; Jon said, "Then you must get well and stay with me, Arya. Please, don't leave me alone here. What shall I do without you to love me? I shall be here alone without you. If you di- ," Jon winced not wanting to voice the possibility " go away, I shall want to go with you. Don't leave me alone, Arya!" Another set of coughs racked her body and she was weak with fatigue. She had moaned, "Tell me a story. Tell me a story and make the pain go away. I ache so much." Jon's voice was hoarse from near tears but he'd never deny her. "What story do you want?" "The one about the great warrior princess?" No she had nodded feverishly and her next words had hurt his heart. "Tell me your best day. I don't remember one of mine. All I remember is loving you. You are my best day."

Arya's body was on fire. His tears fell on her face as he wiped her brow with a cool cloth. He gave her more water . His young heart breaking in his chest. Jon was so desperately afraid to lose her. He picked her up and sat them both on the bed with her in his lap. He leaned against the head board. He sighed deep and started.

"I shall tell you two stories. One of my very best days was when you were about two name days old. Your nurse had put you down for a nap. Robb and I were in the training yard with Ser Roddrik. We were learning about our swords. You crawled out of the window and on to the upper ledge wall. You called down to us. You shouted, "Brothers! Brothers!" We all look up and see you on the wall ledge. You were happy as a pig in mud. Well Ser Rod panics and doesn't know if we should get you or go for Father. He calls over to Father and Jory. They come over and we point up and father went pale and looked sick.

Jory said they should try and catch you if you fall. So they are standing below you trying to coax you in the window. Father told Robb to run for Cate. When they all get to the window hang outside you laugh and walk the ledge and run away like it is a game. We were all afraid and you were up there giggling and having a great time. The more Cate or Robb tried to get you the more you crawled away from the window. Robb crawled out to get you and you stooped up and almost slipped. Cate gasps and covers her eyes, Father is right below to catch you, and Robb shouted for you to sit down. You decide to sit and crawl other to the Wolf's Head Parapet. " Arya laughed a shaky rasp, "The wolf gargoyle all the rain comes out the mouth?" "Yes, Little Love that one. Catelyn was crying and Father was frantic." "What were you doing, Jon?" Arya said before sipping more water. "Praying. I was praying to all the gods you didn't fall. While you; little runt; were laughing and waving and trying to talk to Jory. Robb tried to catch you again as you were talking to Jory but you saw Robb and stood up on the wolfhead. When you almost fell again, Father shouted Robb to back to Cate. I went over Father and told him I would climb up the wall to you. Father told me to be careful and try. I climbed up to you and asked if you'd like to ride on me like I was a pony. You nodded and held out your little arms and trusted me. You kissed my cheek and called me Horsey Jon. I climbed up to window with you in my arms. "

Arya whispered in rasp, "You could have died." "So could you have, Sweeting. Better me then you." "What happened then?" wheezed little girl in his arms. "When we climbed over the window ledge, Catelyn took you from my arms, looked me in the eye, smiled on me and thanked me. She kissed you all over and scolded you." "Was she nice to you that day, Jon?" Arya asked sadly "Yes, Little Sister, she was very nice that day." Jon said wistfully

"It's alright she can't love you. It makes me love you more. " Arya snuggled into him with her little girl wisdom & Jon felt his heart roll in his chest.

"Tell me another, Big Brother. Tell me another best day for you."

Jon's very soul ached for her. "Would you like to hear my very best day ever?"

Arya nodded & kissed his cheek. Jon wiped her brow again and wondered how someone so tiny could sweat so much. "It was summer and warm but raining outside. Cate was terribly mad at Robb and I for rough housing in the big solar. We almost knocked over the vase Uncle Edmure gave her. "

Arya made a face. "The ugly green one with red ducks on it?"

Jon's lips twitched," Yes that one." He brushed back her hair from her brow. He took off his heavy sweater "because Arya was putting off enough heat as a forge. " Well, Cate started yelling and she grabbed her side. She was in labor with you. She was in terrible pain. You were coming into the world feet first the midwife told us. I told Father that was so my soon to be sister could hit the ground running. I told Father you would change the world."

Arya laughed tiredly, "Really, Truly?" "Really, Truly. Promise. Father was worried for you both but he laughed and smiled. He told me that you'd be like his sister, Lyanna. She was beautiful, wild, and strong. Just like his new daughter would be someday."

Arya frowned, "I am not beautiful. Sana is beautiful." "To me, Little Sister, you will always be the most beautiful girl in my world." She sighed and snuggled into him tighter. "They turned you or something because you were born finally and Father brought you out to see us after you were cleaned up. Sansa took one look and cried because you had dark hair and weren't like her. She turned and ran crying to her nurse. Robb touched your cheek and smiled. He said you were loud, tiny and red but very sweet. He went to comfort Sansa.

"What did you say, Brother Jon?" Arya sighed impatiently.

"Me?" Jon's voice full of awe and wonder as he remembered "I loved you from the moment I saw you. You were so small and fragile. I asked Father if I could hold you." Jon chuckled making Arya smile, "Father said I must sit down first. I was so eager; I sat right down on the floor of the upper hall. Father laughed and said I could go and sit in a chair. I shook my head no because I wanted to hold you right then more then I wanted anything ever. Father laughed at that. He placed you in my hands. You had been fussing and crying but I kissed you and told you to hush. I said that I was your big brother, Jon. That I would care for you forever and never let anything happen to you. I said you were the prettiest thing I'd ever seen. "

"Really? Truly?" Arya's throat was raw but tinged with wonder. Jon smiled on the little girl. "Really, Truly, Little Sister. You were as tiny as a baby bunny fresh from the nest. Your skin was as soft as silk and your hair was like tiny dark feathers on your small head. Your eyes held a bit of blue but I knew they'd change to be like mine someday. You put your tiny hand on my chin when I kissed your head. I knew right then and there that I loved you more than anything in my world. I knew someday you'd love me back. I knew I belonged to someone now and they belonged to me."

Jon remembered coaxing the horrible smelling elixir Ludwin had given him down Arya's throat. The brown liquid was thick and made of honey, moss, mushrooms and onions. It smelled of wet earth and must have tasted of it too because Arya hated it.

Jon had promised her if she'd drink it someday he'd get her a sword. "A sword that's tiny and made just for you. You can even name it because. They'd finished together "all the best swords have names."

Arya continued sleepily," Then we can be pirates, wildings and ride sand steeds. We shall travel the world and never be lonely because we have one another.

Jon snapped back to the cold of the snow cave, the pain of his wounds, and being left to die in the bitter cold snow. A blurred image came to him out of the corner of his vision. "Ghost?" Jon coughed.

A soft husky voice that was both familiar yet new came to him. "No silly man, it's me." It was a voice he seemed to know from his dreams. "Ygritte?"

"Who is Ygritte? Look with your heart, Jon. You called to me and I came. It's been a long time, Big Brother but I am here with you again." His blurring vision snapped into focus. A woman with long thin face dark hair and wide pretty grey eyes appeared. Her mouth was lush full lips and wide happy smile. She was beautiful and Jon recognized the girl in the woman. She was his beloved sister. "ARYA!" Jon breathed out on a happy smile." Am I dying?" "Only if you wish it, but then you shall miss seeing me again. I am on my way home to you, Jon. You must fight and live and come to me."

"You are not a ghost? You are alive?" He grinned happily. "Yes, Jon I am alive. I am no ghost. For a time, I forgot who I was and where I belonged, and whom I belonged to but I am alive." "Where? Who?" Jon gasped "I am coming home, Jon. Home to the North, to you. If you want to meet me on that same road you must FIGHT and LIVE. We are kindred souls. Do you know what we say to the God of Death, Brother?" When he nodded no she continued. "Not today! We tell the God of Death not today!" she smoothed a hand over his forehead and he thought he actually felt the warmth of her fingers. He smiled and ached from missing her.

"Am I Really not dead yet?" Jon coughed

"You are not dead yet and neither am I. This is like our wolf dreams—only better. Meet me, Jon. I am on my way to Winterfell. I will meet you. Come and get me. Please, Jon, you must fight! "

Jon almost sobbed from effort it took to think and talk. His voice disappointed, "I took vows. I am a brother on the Wall. I can't forsake my vows. I can't leave!"

"Did they not forsake you first? You made vows to me too. You made them long before your vows on the Wall. Remember, Jon. Remember and come to me." Remember different roads to the same castle." Tell the God of Death not today and fight for your life. OUR lives."

"I am tired, Arya. I need to let go."

"You took a vow to defend Westeros and you can do that anywhere. " "I took an oath to be here!" pained cry

"You took an oath to be here until you died. Look at you, Jon. Did that not happen? What more do you owe these men you called brother? You can defend men from anywhere. Come to Winterfell. Come home to me. I wi"ll meet you there. Live for me the way I lived for you when I was so little and sick. "Arya smiled on him with tears in her pretty grey eyes. " I don't want you to leave me alone. Live for me! I love you, Jon! Don't make me live alone without you again. I love you."

Her image disappeared but her words echoed in the cave and his head. "Come to Winterfell. Come home to me. I love you."

Jon called out hoping she could hear. "I love you too, Little Sister."

He woke to an empty cold snow cave. Jon sat up with low moan. Jon was determined to find a healer to tend his wounds. He was going to live. He was going to go home. Home not to Winterfell but to the one who had loved him most. Jon was going home to Arya.


End file.
